Setting Realistic Standards
This week singer Saweetie has set social media on fire with her statement to women that if he’s not buying you a Birkin bag or paying your bills then get rid of him.
Men immediately went on the defense saying that women shouldn’t be expecting such expensive gifts like a Birkin and women defended Saweetie’s comment. Her comment was clearly made for the men that can actually afford a Birkin. Saweetie’s man is in that tax bracket of being able to afford such gifts and just because you, as a man, can’t afford something does not mean someone shouldn’t demand that.
Realizing men are very literal creatures it comes to no surprise to me that they missed her entire point. Of course not every woman wants a Birkin bag, I happen to be one that doesn’t fancy Hermes. I do like nice things and can afford certain luxuries. Which leads me to expect certain things from a partner. As women, we are tired of men being upset that we have standards and desires to be treated a certain way.
A woman having standards does not take away from a man also having his own standards. The key is learning who deserves that specific type of treatment. A woman you are dating for a month should not be expecting a lavish gift. Any woman worth spending your time and money on will reciprocate and more.
Ladies, What Do You Offer?
Standards should be non negotiable and realistic. Now I am not knocking women at all but sometimes their expectations can be higher than what they can provide and what their current lifestyle is. Ladies, it is not cool to ask a guy for Birkin bag while you are living with your parents or working a minimum wage job. There’s nothing wrong with wanting nice things but if you can’t provide them for yourself, you should not require them from someone else. The same applies to a man. Fellas, you can’t be a cheeseburger away from 300 pounds and yelling “where the small waisted big booty bitches at”. It doesn’t work like that. Standards should reflect your reality.
Standards vs. Preferences
Knowing yourself and what you can provide in a relationship is important to figure out beforehand. This way you can categorize your wants and needs into two sections I call Standards vs. Preferences. A standard is something like honesty, loyalty, kind, considerate etc. A preference is height and a six pack. My standards absolutely must be met for me to even consider dating someone. Not only have they become set in place from what I can reciprocate, but also past life experiences (we’ll get into that later). To keep it short my standard is he must have at least what I have or more. Meaning my own place, car and career. And yes, he has to make as much money as I do or more.
What Shaped My Standards
When I mentioned past life experiences here’s a little background as to what has shaped my expectations. I was in a relationship with my daughter’s father for a little over seven years. Not only did he not work, he didn’t want to work. So for seven years I was the sole bread winner and it didn’t seem to phase him until he started wondering why I never respected him and never wanted to have sex with him. Women are attracted to security, ambition and the grind, and his lack of providing that turned me off. I can count on one hand how many times I gave him head (TMI I know). I just didn’t feel he deserved those special treatments. Needless to say I met someone after we broke up that provided me security and met my standards and I absolutely loved giving him that (that was never something I liked doing in the first place).
No one will make me feel bad for my standards and I respect others also. The thing is, everyone has had their own journey and own exes that taught them what they like and don’t like. So what works for someone else may not work for me. For instance, I don’t care for a six pack. I like thick men with a natural build and that also suits my current body type. You have to learn to be so secure with yourself that if you happen not to be someone’s type, it doesn’t offend you. When a man tells me his type is small waist and a big butt, I don’t get offended. It just means we’re not right for each other. He has every right to want that. I hate to say it, some women (and men) are asking for too much. I’m a firm believer that you have to become what you desire.
Make That List Girl
Ladies (and gentlemen), make your internal list of your standards vs. preferences. That way when someone comes along you can automatically eliminate someone that doesn’t meet those said standards. Take a look at what you offer and where you’re going in life and that should be the foundation of your list. Let me know what you think in the comments below.
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